The Tornado Ruined the Cake. And That's Very Perimenopause.

I was making my husband’s birthday cake.

I had done everything right. Measured the flour. Set the timer. Slid the pan into the oven with the quiet satisfaction of a woman who has her life under control, at least for this one moment on this one Thursday evening.

And then a tornado came.

Not a metaphorical tornado. An actual one.


The sky turned green, the sirens went off, and I grabbed the dog and headed to the basement.


Nine hours later the power came back on. I opened the oven. The cake, my perfectly measured, carefully planned, lovingly made cake, was completely ruined.

Flat. Sunken. Done.

I threw it away and made a new one the next day.

Because that is what I do. That is what most of us do. We make a new one. We start again. We show up regardless.

And somewhere between throwing out the ruined cake and starting over, I thought, this is exactly what perimenopause feels like.

You did everything right. And then something blew through anyway.

The part nobody talks about

Hot flashes get all the press. They are the mascot of menopause, the thing everyone pictures when they hear the word. And yes, they are real and they are unpleasant and they deserve every conversation they get.

But here is what the research is starting to show, and what women in perimenopause have known for years, sleep is the thing that really dismantles your life.

Not occasionally forgetting where you put your keys. Not the occasional hot flash.


The 3am wake-up. Night after night. Wide awake with a racing heart and a mind that will not stop. Exhausted by noon and unable to function, but dreading bedtime because you already know what is coming.

A 2025 Mayo Clinic study of nearly 5,000 women found that sleep disturbances were the most commonly reported perimenopause symptom, rated severe more often than hot flashes, weight changes, or anything else. The researchers themselves called it eye-opening. Women in perimenopause forums had been saying it for years.

You are not dramatic. You are not just stressed. You are in perimenopause, and your sleep is one of the first things it touches.

The 3am wake-up is not a sleep problem. It is a you problem. And by that I mean, it is happening to you specifically, in your body, for real reasons.

Why the power keeps going out

During perimenopause, estrogen and progesterone begin to fluctuate in ways that are anything but linear. One day your levels are fine. The next they have dropped off a cliff. Then they swing back. This is not a gentle fade, it is a storm system moving through.

These hormonal swings do several things to your sleep specifically. Progesterone, which has a natural sedative quality, begins to decline. Estrogen fluctuations dysregulate your body temperature, which is why you wake up at 3am sweating or shivering. Your cortisol rhythm, the hormone that is supposed to be low at night and rise in the morning, starts misfiring, which is why you wake up at 3am with a racing heart and a sense of low-grade dread that has no particular name.

Your nervous system, in other words, is running a little hot. Not because something is wrong with you. Because the hormones that used to keep it regulated are no longer showing up reliably.

The power keeps going out. And it is not your fault.

What this has to do with a birthday cake

Here is the thing about my tornado situation that I keep coming back to.

I was in the basement worrying about the cake. Not about myself. Not about whether I was okay. About the cake.

And I think a lot of women in perimenopause are doing some version of this. They are wide awake at 3am and instead of tending to themselves, instead of asking what their body needs, what the waking is trying to say, what might actually help, they are lying there worrying about tomorrow’s to-do list. About the people who need things from them. About whether they are falling behind.

The cake. Always the cake.

What would happen if, just for a moment, you tended to yourself the way you tend to everything else?

I am not asking you to stop caring about the people you love. I am asking whether anyone is making the cake for you.

What actually helps, and what hypnosis has to do with it

I am a spiritual life coach and certified hypnotist. Which means I work with the nervous system, not against it.

Most sleep advice for perimenopause focuses on the body, magnesium, no screens after 9pm, keep the room cold. And some of that is genuinely useful. But it misses something important.

The 3am wake-up is often not just a hormonal event. It is a nervous system event. Your body is stuck in a low-grade alert state, not quite safe, not quite at rest, holding something it has not had a chance to put down.

Hypnosis works directly with the nervous system to create the conditions for genuine rest. Not forcing sleep. Not white-knuckling relaxation. Actually allowing the body to move out of alert and into safety. NIH-funded research at Baylor University found that self-hypnosis improved sleep quality in 50 to 77 percent of menopausal women and reduced hot flashes by up to 80 percent. Not a supplement. Not a prescription. A practice.

The work I do combines hypnosis with somatic practice and spiritual coaching because perimenopause is not just a hormonal event. It is a life event. Something in you is shifting. Something you have outgrown is making itself known. And the 3am wake-up is often the first place that shows up.

Your body is not betraying you. It is speaking. The question is whether you have someone in your corner who knows how to listen.

The cake I made the next day

Was better, by the way.

Not because I did anything differently. I used the same recipe. Same oven. Same Thursday kitchen.

But I had let go of the ruined one. I was not trying to save something that was already gone. I was just making a new cake.

And there is something in that for perimenopause too. Not bypassing the hard part. Not skipping the 3am or pretending the exhaustion is not real. But also not spending all your energy trying to get back to the woman you were before the storm.

She is not coming back. Something better is.

You are not behind. You are not failing. You are in perimenopause. And the power always comes back on.

If you are wide awake at 3am and exhausted by noon:

The free Quiet Remembering audio is 11 minutes of guided hypnosis made specifically for women in perimenopause who cannot sleep. No app. No subscription. Just 11 quiet minutes to help your nervous system remember what stillness feels like.

Listen to the Quiet Remembering audio here 

And if you are ready to talk to someone who genuinely understands what you are carrying:


Apply for a Sacred Conversation here 

Forty-five minutes. I listen. You share. No strings.

Love,
Cassidy 💚

Spiritual life coach and certified hypnotist for women in perimenopause who are wide awake at 3am and exhausted by noon.